A wonder, no wonder: April 2009

A wonder, no wonder

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Chip off the old block

I had a nice dinner with my Aunt and my Dad just now. Nice little dinner, Dad, as usual was snooping up on me, asking me about school and things at home. Stuff a dad would. My Aunt started probing about my love life, asking me about things in the Als' romantic world. Stuff an Aunt would.

It came to a story about old times where my dad would tell me about his stories about him studying. He and his brothers, the 4 of them, one day went to the swamp to swim, despite my late grandfather telling them not to. He told them to study. Instead they went to the swamp to swim. My granddad came home early, found them missing and went to the swamp to find them. He took their clothes that they left near the swamp banks and left. Needless to say, they trooped gingerly and embarassed behind my grandfather, naked. When they got back to the house, he lined them all up in a row and caned them. He beat my first uncle. Moved on, second uncle. Then came my dad's turn. My dad, looked him in the eye and said "Dad, you told us to go study. I did. Then I went to swim." My granddad didn't believe him and beat him. It was then my dad shouted "I DID. I studied!" and grabbed the cane as it swished downward in mid-air. He caught it and broke it over his knee, as my granddad watched in shock, and as my uncles watched in horror. Well, the belt came out after that and sadly, it was much worse than the cane.

We had a laugh with that story. My dad looked at me and told my Aunt: "You know, this fella also did something similar when he was young". I couldn't remember so he told us the story of me. He told us that I was about 9. He couldn't remember what I did that warranted a caning, but anyway, it came to that. He said, as he hit me with the first few strokes, I took the shots on my thigh, refusing to show emotion. My dad was surprised that I was being this stubborn to not even cry out in pain, apologise or beg for mercy. He hit me again and again, until I turned, grabbed the cane in mid-air and scolded back:
"Who do you think you are?! You think you are Lee Kwan Yew is it?!"
"You think you're the president of Singapore?!"
This took him aback so much that the next day he talked to one of his friends, asking whether he might have overstepped his boundaries as a parent.

Yeah, laughed we did.. But it got me thinking. Through the time I spent with my dad tonight, I realised that I inherited so much of his personality. I remember someone saying to me once: "You know, you're so much like your father that, next time, your girlfriend macham as good as dating a copy of your father." I hated that. But I now understand what he meant. I realised today that I'm as stubborn as he is. I realised that I have a certain rebellious streak in me as he does. I realised that I share many of his beliefs. I realised I'm as outspoken as he is. I really AM a chip off the old block.

This brash, cocky, outspoken, stubborn rebel. I somehow feel great that I'm alot like my father in many positive ways. But at the same time I'm glad that I'm my very unique me in my own way.

posted by The Als @ 11:32 pm 2 comments

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Fish food!

It's effing 1:30am.

I'm sitting on le throne de wisdom. (i.e. the toilet bowl)

I was reminded about something that I realised a few minutes ago while playing this game on my mobile. This game was about this fisherman and he was trying to 'hook' fish with his fishing rod. You hit the key and this hook goes downward in a line to try to hit a fish and then pull it up. It reminded me of what I said to Mark some time recently: "A good fish knows when to keep its mouth shut".

Now and again I think to myself, trying to find the basis and analyse the damn situation and find out what makes this "thing" tick. I realise that this... this.. "animal" is devoid of any socially acceptable mannerisms or behaviours. I find "it" having hidden agendas, having motives for doing things that are totally way beyond the realms of normal. I wonder why can't this "beast" keep its mouth shut? If "it" just ROC-ed (relax one corner) and kept quiet, sooner or later the annoying children poking "it" with a stick will go away. Instead, "orge" had to go open "its" mouth and start talking smack. I think so hard, ponder so deeply and realise.. It's all about the publicity after all. Also, maybe "it" has self esteem issues, just like a CCB (excuse the language). Disgusting, smelly and revolting on the outside, tender and vulnerable on the inside. Hmmmm.. on hindsight, bad example. But you catch the drift. I wondered how much time I wasted coming up with this theory... I glance up at the clock, wincing, bracing myself for bad news...

Oh great! I wasted 3 minutes. Not bad! Not worth wasting my time on ignorant scum of the earth... 3 minutes ain't bad after all! Hmmmmmm.. Ignorant..

Ignorant (def.):
1. Destitute of knowledge; uninstructed or uninformed; untaught; unenlightened.

He that doth not know those things which are of use for him to know, is but an ignorant man, whatever he may know besides. --Tillotson.

Powerful stuff. (Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary. MICRA, Inc) <- Citation somemore. Power.

Come some think of it, there is no cure for ignorance. Or for that matter, stupidity.

The Als, out.

posted by The Als @ 1:27 am 0 comments

Sunday, April 19, 2009

I'm back! I think...

Oh okay. A whole sliew of people have posed the question: "Alson Tan! Why aren't you updating!?" It's not my fault! With the influx of exams, project deadlines and such, how could I let everything go and blog in their place? =)

I know that depression has been a sitting and brooding child in the corner of my mind lately. I do realise that it has been unlike me and it's been evident somewhat. I'd just like to dedicate this little piece of cyberspace to those that have been sticking with me, ignoring the depressed looks, talking and also, a big thanks to those select few who have been working so hard to get me back to me again. The irony of that situation: I didn't want to talk about anything to anyone about the matter. However, she called, talked about things that didn't concern me, things that had nothing to do with my situation. I became happier, slowly. Mel's right, how things can change so drastically in a day. "What a difference a day makes" sang Michael Buble. On hindsight, damn right it does. I've yet to find the reasons or find my true identity, but I realise now how much I've come to love being around people I care about.

To her, to Ari, Mel, Mark, Jo, DD: You know you feel the love from Als.

posted by The Als @ 6:03 pm 3 comments

Monday, April 06, 2009

5 people you'll meet in heaven

5 people who deserve to go to Heaven. (in no particular order)

1) The guy who invented FBT shorts.
The person who invented shorts that are paper thin, indecently short and semi transparent, AND YET worn by every girl out there. Too comfortable to turn down, too sexy to be worn by guys. GENIUS!

2) Lee Kwan Yew
Honestly, I couldn't think of a more influential political power that was instrumental in shaping Singapore for the better.

3) Guy who invented Sprite (and maybe the guy who invented 7-up too)
What in the blue shit hell on God's green earth would I drink without that. COKE?!

4) Sir Alex Ferguson
For creating, building and managing two generations of Manchester United legendary teams of 1999 and 2007.

5) Guy who invented the air-con
Where would we be without it? We'd all be dead, living in the hottest place besides hell: Singapore.

posted by The Als @ 4:05 am 0 comments

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Say that again?

I shuffled quietly and eased myself into a seat near the front of church tonight. Singing practice. Pah. The traditional "Hi"'s to everyone who noticed my silent saunteering, and within seconds after that, I grew restless. Music blaring from the band having their worship practice session. I looked around, then toward the back. Matthew.

I got up and jogged over to the sound booth where he was doing his thing. I greeted him and sat beside him and asked him what was went on in youth service today. (which I missed). "The usual" he said, and told me that he didn't know what time the singing practice (ugh) was going begin. He looked at me for a second and asked: "You look like shit, are you depressed?". Took me aback for a few seconds as I stared at him. I thought I hid it well enough by looking neutral half the time. I thought I did. A series of "ums" and "ahs" strung themselves together as I ransacked my brains for a evasive answer. I mumbled something about "presentation" and "videos", maybe something about "the cat" and smiled sheepishly. "You know what? Yeah, I think I may be feeling a little low and depressed". To his credit (and my thanks) he didn't probe further. Interesting little gig.

Hope. Faith. These two words I believe are highly over-rated. I hoped that my parents wouldn't seperate. I had faith in my previous relationship. Life just goes to show that hope and faith isn't all that up and up really. Hope fails. Just like faith. False securities? Fat hope and blind faith. Are these things supposed to give us the will to do what we need to do? Or are these two supposed to bring you up to a higher level so that it'll hurt more than you fall?

I've been told we need God to fill this void in our hearts. No matter how much we fulfil our needs, we still need something divine to plug the final gaping hole. (Which reminds me of Maslow's hierachy of needs theory. But that's another story and it also reminds me that I'm studying too hard).

I remember recent times when I asked God to show me how much he cared and I ended up bitterly disppointed. Truth be, I was on my way home the next day and this old lady boarded the MRT. She sat a seat away from me at Aljunied and then started talking to me in Hokkien/Teochew, one or the other. Complete stranger. I took off my earphones and listened to her, thinking she wanted to ask directions as most old people normally do. She just continued speaking to me despite my repeated answers of "huh what?", "I don't understand". I did hear two words which I understood perfectly well: "Ye Su". She was talking about Jesus. She continued babbling about and said soemthing else: "Heart". She tapped me in the middle of my chest while saying "Jesus".

I started praying. I prayed for the train to HURRY THE FUCKING HELL UP AND GET TO DAMN SIMEI. I understood what she might be getting at but I wondered why. Was it God's will to embarrass me in the presence of an MRT carrige? Or was it just my bad luck meeting a psycho old lady who happened to be supposedly Christian? I wondered about the meaning of it all.

I don't know why I'm feeling "depressed". (I hate using that word. Makes me seem mental. Not a good thing to impress girls with) "Hi! You all alone? The name's Alson. I'm slightly depressed and mental". I suppose it could be due to the fact I'm burnt out. The lack of a holiday season, so much, TOO much rather, to do in church. School's getting harder. Responsibilities, duties, assignments, tests, exams, projects. Presentations, videos, slides, items, songs, dances, instruments, shut the fuck up already. I realise one thing, after going out with Huan on wednesday. I was happy. For once, in this decently short period of gloom, I was truly happy. We had dinner, I paid for drinks. (She made me. Ugh.) We chatted, mostly about her and her problems. But still. I was happy.

Led me to think: At least in a quest for a lost soul, there IS a time where I can just be happy doing something. Surrounding myself with things and people that truly make me happy. Huan. Music. Ari. Dogs. Mel. Mark. Double D. Soccer. Threadless tees. Jo. Aaron. Wenz. Suppers. J J. Sleep. I need to sleep.

posted by The Als @ 3:51 am 0 comments

Friday, April 03, 2009

window washers

Interestingly enough, there are several important issues that have come up to date. Public raunchy raunchy at the beach(more on that soon), woman gets throw out of the window by husband and won’t press charges because she “can’t live without him”.

Well then. First bullet to come off my firing belt: Thanks a whole lot Rihanna. Your so called kiss and make up tactic with Chris Brown has made you the ultimate poster girl for beaten women everywhere. Thanks to you, you have empowered the men that choose to abuse and manifest their perceived superiority through violence. Thanks to you, you’ve just made women everywhere that much more weak. Spousal/ partner abuse has just gotten its free publicity and celeb endorsement. Well, thanks to you, the woman in Singapore who just got thrown out the window by her psycho husband is not pressing charges. One wonders. She says, and quote, “I can’t live without him”. Oh FFS please. I can’t honestly believe how pathetic some women have become these days. Years of past brought on the issue of women being in this predicament due to their low education status and thus there was this issue of, realistically speaking, being inferior in that aspect to the men. Hence, fine, can’t live without you. With these days of education being widespread and culture becoming more “refined” and modern, you still have these pathetic excuses for females running around telling men they can’t live without them. Yes, that’s despite the fact he threw her out of a bloody window.

Second bullet: Which reminds me, why are some girls just hopelessly attracted and in love with guys who are jerks? Puzzles me to no end. On one hand you have a guy who can offer you stability, security and respect. On the other, you’ve got a jerk who can yeah provide you security, maybe stability but gives you no respect. Well then, logically explain this to me please. So it’s the “bad boy” syndrome – the badder they are the more attractive they become? So, the ugly truth of this is that well, if you’re honestly getting into so many bad relationships, maybe it’s because you can’t pick the proper male material to make LIFE work. Unfortunately, reality is that LIFE IS REAL. Why bother going or getting wildly attracted to a guy who can’t respect you or even give you a good life? Baffling. Love doesn’t solve all problems unfortunately. There’s still the matter of “face”, bills, taxes, living expenses, NOT being beaten up, children, death, the family dog and yeah, new house, wedding dinner, whatnot. The study of male-female dynamics never ceases to amaze me. Seems some women would rather stick to a life of abuse, poverty and disrespect just so they can experience the false high of a “fairytale” marriage. “BUT I LOVE HIM!”. Yeah. Wait until he throws you out of a window.

(NOTICE) Over the next thousand episodes you read, you’ll notice this new feature called “MRT Watch”. This special column will document my journeys through the ever famous Singaporean public transport system: The MRT.

MRT Watch

Spotted: 1 homo, possibly psycho, possibly child rapist
Fashion watch: Homo was wearing a red fishnet “shirt”, jeans, boots and a trucker cap.
It’s interesting to see people like this appearing in the everyday rush hour. Probably going to report to his gay pub/club/spa/massage parlour. The fashion watch just gives gays a real bad stereotype. With a mean looking moustache, aggro beard and cap pulled over his eyes, he screams of “Child Rapist”.

Spotted: 1 psycho uncle
Fashion watch: Uncle shorts, uncle polo
An interesting thing about this man was the fact that his face looked like a combination of a gross lack of sleep and wanting to burst into tears. He boarded a packed bus 184, long bus, walked to the connecting area between the bus and the extra carriage and promptly squatted gob smack in the middle, clutching the pole. Obviously blocking everyone (and maybe a hint of an awfully pathetic attempt at an unskirt), he freaked out a girl (rather pretty one) enough for pretty ol’ her to quickly make her pretty way toward the back of the bus, right into the welcoming arms of the seat next to The Als. Yes, that’s what I’m here for: To protect pretty girls I don’t know from psychotic people I don’t know either. Did I mention the girl was pretty?

It’s not enough to have 4 armed guards walk through the MRT now and then. So many psychotic homosexual child rapists scaring pretty girls! I’m just one man, I can’t save all those pretty girls!

** Disclaimer: Writer has no, repeat, nada, repeat, NOTHING against homosexuals. He has a good number of gay individuals who are great friends with him. Writer is NOT a homophobe.**

posted by The Als @ 2:06 pm 0 comments

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Do you want to be my friend?

Epiphany.

It occurs to me that it's in fashion to talk about friends.

As scarcastic as that may sound, another epiphany.

When things weren't going great recently, I lay in bed and practically gave up on life. I hated it. I asked God for one favour last Thursday: "Show me how much you care." I went home after classes, bitterly disappointed.

Nothing's more irritating than to have a friend turn his back on you. Much less to say, how much more disappointing to have God turn His back on you. I found myself struggling with the very core of what made me, me. Honestly, if I weren't Christian I would have probably come up with some wildly creative idea to end this miserable life as it is. Maybe I'd try coming up with something involving Jurong Bird Park; seems like they need a little publicity. Imagine me. Pecked to death. By parrots.

It's only after thinking through things for countless hours that I realise something about the friends I have. It's only after reading the various blogs that I realise something about the friends I have. It's only after going through life as it is right now that I realise something about the friends I have.

They may not be able to give me the answers I'm looking for. But they sure have made the journey much more bearable. Maybe that's God's way of telling me he cares. Maybe it isn't. I don't know for sure and it's not like I can sms nor call Him about it to confirm for real. "Eh, bro, steady or not? That's was YOU!?"

To who those who care, you know who you are. You know that Als appreciates you. You also should know what Als doesn't like getting sappy so this is actually more sappy than I'm making it out to be.

I guess experiences in life make you treasure the people who actually care enough about you to talk to you. I should be glad I have people to talk to and want to talk to me. (Unlike some people out there)

posted by The Als @ 2:42 am 3 comments

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