A wonder, no wonder: July 2009

A wonder, no wonder

Friday, July 31, 2009

The problem with saved passwords

One great night of bowling, wrists burning with the fire of a thousand suns just an hour ago. Who ever knew playing around with a bunch of 10 pound balls would be so entertaining?

As you could probably see from the recent post below. I now know the value of NOT saving your silly passwords on your laptop. It makes for interesting reading that people could "infiltrate" your social networks and tell a random girl/guy on your msn list "Hey, I love you!"... or in this case.. post something on this wonderfully entertaining and classique blog. Yes, thank you oh great Chen Yinghuan, for teaching me one of life's greatest and important lessons.. Imagine if it would have been my online banking account. I bet the silly grin on her face would be 10 times wider now. (and pockets much fatter.)

Mass Com Medium module's presentations are finally over! As for Dr. Hung, he dropped a total bombshell by telling us 1 effing minute before the presentation that our time was, in fact, 12 mintutes and not the full 15 as communicated before. Not only that, he also tells us his exact expectations for the presentations. What's up Doc? (always wanted to say that!)

Needless to say, another pristine and immaculate job well done by the team. Shaving 3 minutes off a presentation is no easy feat and we did exactly that with extreme professionalism. (Which is more than I can say for several groups that presented that day.) So, well done and I'm proud enough to declare this publicly! Stuff a fist in your mouth if you don't agree.

One thing I can't get is the level of presentation skills. Not to harp on my own, I'm no expert myself. I'm not saying I'm good. I'm just saying that I try. Despite all of us as a university cohort with at least 18, 19 years of education, still. Still so many people have very low levels of presentation skills. Simple things such as looking at your audience. Not reading everything from scripts or cards. Talking in an audible, clear tone. Hand gentures. Posture.

It's weird that some people in other groups could just meekly mumble something and be unclear of what he or she is presenting. This one girl, (again, I'm not saying I'm anything great) is more concerned with reading from her notes and keeps getting lost in them. Apart from that, the way she phrased the answer to the question posted to her group made her group look bad. But ah well, we're only human. But please, learn some damn skills!

Speaking on skills.. Dr Hung decided to let us know that he has MAD L33T SKILLZ and told us not to challenge his system. He knows our tricks and ain't afriad to TAP THAT YO. Strange fellow that one. He then suddenly goes on to tell us about his teaching awards out of nowhere. Can you spell insecurity please? Despite his anal-ity, I clarify that I do have plenty of respect for the man and what he knows. His works are insightful and engaging. So, please. Less anal = more respect.

Today's Song: She's like the wind - Lumidee

MRT Watch: I *LOVE* how people cross their legs and conveniently dust their soles of their dirty footwear on people's pants next to them. Apart from cattle prods, I guess now I should bring an axe to LOP OFF their ugly feet. Aunty, you got it easy when I scolded you. Next time... CHOP CHOP CHOP!

Confucius says: Wise man is one who register with Singapore Police Force before speaking at speakers' corner.

In totally unrelated news: Michael Schmi's coming back to F1 for the next race? Yes!
Racing until the end of the season?? Yes!!!
Wait.. that means... HE'LL BE IN SINGAPORE!? YESSSSSS!!!!!

posted by The Als @ 12:31 am 2 comments

Thursday, July 30, 2009

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

eh alson tan, it's so easy to access ur account la... LOL pls change to a more difficult password k???

happy bowling =)

posted by The Als @ 8:29 pm 2 comments

Monday, July 20, 2009

You're a Racist!

Thinking back, I feel horrible for grabbing a seat on the MRT just now when someone was clearly sitting there still. It was awkward having to see 3 of us jammed into 2 seats but I really wasn't thinking straight anymore.

I was really tired after an exam, drama during the exam (more on that later), a project discussion and dinner out. I didn't exactly notice there was someone already sitting in the seat that I had zoned in on when boarding the MRT. I feel really bad because I kinda sat on her rather on purpose. She was pretty small sized to begin with.. But still.. I apologise for sitting on half your lap. I'm sorry I failed to give up my seat to A LOUSY PACKET OF CHICKEN RICE. NOT.

It's late, I'm tired and the last thing I want to do is give up my row's center seat to a lousy styrofoam packet of chicken rice. I don't really effing care whether that packet of chicken rice is from some al famosa 5 star chicken extraordinaire shop. I'm tired, I want my damn seat, so the chicken rice can stand up and dance the chicky dance for all I care. Needless to say, if the lady sprawled all over the seat with her lousy chinese newspaper and chicken rice in the neighbouring seat actually NOTICED that people were getting on the train and MOVED, she wouldn't have gotten a 10% crushed pack of chicken rice. I didn't apologise then and I sure am not going to now. Oh, the huuumanity.

Speaking about humanity.. What in humanity's name happened in the exam hall today? It was surreal, bizarre and all that. I'm willing to bet all the money in my skinny wallet that you've never EVER, seen something like that before. Period.

What happened was, 10 minutes into the paper, Dr Hung (who's a Chinese national living and working in the USA for the past 25 years) catches someone looking suspiciously around on 5 occasions during the exam. He then tells her to move to another desk. The crazy girl looks up and refuses to budge, maintaining that she had done nothing wrong.

He issues her a warning (1st warning) and explains that he has seen her looking around on 5 different occasions within that 10 minutes. He tells her to move. Again, she refuses and mutters something beneath her breath.

He warns her again (2nd warning) and asks her to move. Again, same story. (3rd warning) Blatant refusal, she remains silent and ignores him and mutters "I'm not moving.".

Dr Hung insists on her moving and decrees "This is an order. Move now or I won't accept your answer script". (4th warning)

She looks up at him and says "You're very racist you know!". Dr Hung, clearly taken aback and amused, stares at her wide eyed. He chuckles (as do the rest of the class.) Dr Hung's chinese. The crazy bitch's also chinese..

"Me?! Racist?!" He replies. Dr Hung tells her, "This is your final warning. Move now or I'll send you out." (5th warning)

Again, ignoring. Once again, Dr Hung repeats his "threat" of sending her out of the hall. (6th warning)

She counters with a threat of her own: "I'll get you into trouble for this.". Dr Hung fires back: "You dare threaten me? Move. Now." (7th warning)

She moves.. but only to the seat just in front of her. (The seat that Dr Hung wants her to move to is 2 rows away and right in front) She declares martial law saying "I'm sitting here and I'm doing my paper. That's it."

Dr Hung counters and maintains his order to move to his designated seat. (8th warning). She moves to the first seat of her row and defiantly maintains that she's not moving another inch.

Dr Hung insists that that is it. He asks her to leave the hall. (9th warning) She refuses and questions why she can't sit in the place she already is. Dr Hung reminds her that her "final" warning has passed and the issue is over. (10th warning)

She gets up to move and takes her hands of her paper. Like lightning, Dr Hung, YOINK!, grabs the exam question paper and answer script from her grasp. He turns around, tells her to leave the hall and goes back to his seat, exhausted. Suddenly, a change of heart. She begs and begs, grovelling for his mercy. "I'm sorry Sir, I've had a really bad day". She says. Dr Hung ignores her. "Please Sir, please. I'm sorry. I'll sit here now. Please. I'll be quiet. Please, please Sir."

Dr Hung tells her to leave and it takes a threat to call the campus police before she finally leaves. She fires a parting shot, "I'll see that you get into trouble for this!"

Ah yes. Crazy bitch who has been in SIM for 4 years and has the same level modules as I am. Crazy bitch, according to JX, who has been copying other people for plently of other modules. Crazy bitch who has flunked a whole bunch of them. Crazy bitch who accuses a fellow chinese of being racist. Crazy bitch who threatens a professor. Twice. Crazy bitch who's gonna probably get expelled!

Jolyn's totally right. Let's hope she's not some crazy bitch who comes back one day and goes on a school stabbing/shooting spree.

Today's Song: Always - Bon Jovi

MRT Watch: Chicken rice wars. Fat men need to sit with their effing legs CLOSED. Fat tummy but small "instruments", so sit with your legs closed. I'll gladly continue to shake my leg to annoy you.

Confucius says: When wise man tells you to "hit the dance floor", he doesn't want you to kneel down and punch the floor.

In totally unrelated news: I love badminton! =)

posted by The Als @ 11:07 pm 3 comments

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Naked without nothing.

In just an instant, my whole life flashes right before me. Everything starts shutting down. Systems, names, dates, places, times. Friends start missing. Colleagues start disappearing. Time vanishes and reappears. My whole life grinds to a pathetic halt. All because of her.

I just can't live without her. The sudden realisation that she can't be in my life anymore just shocks me. It'll cost too much for me and her to get back together again. For me, I have to give so much of myself. For her, she has to totally change and rewire her brain again. I feel so deeply saddened that she can't be part of my life anymore. Without her, my life has just collapsed into itself, imploding from the inside out..

I took one look at her again today. I looked longingly, hoping she'd come back to me. But well, with one last flicker goodbye, she went black. Alas, it was her time to go. I really wanted to save this... "relationship" but then again, it would have cost me 200 dollars and 4 weeks in repair time. Maybe it's time. Maybe it's time I got a new "HER". Maybe it's effing time I got a NEW DAMN PHONE. Goodbye my sweet Samsung U700. You were pretty.. but also pretty damn bimbotic.

Life has totally turned upside down without the damn phone. I can't call, I can't be called.. What else? Hmmm people asking what I want for lunch and I can't reply and have to go hungry. Mother asks whether I need her to buy dinner in, I can't reply and have to eat instant noodles. I can't meet Mel to go on campus with anymore, I can't call to chat anymore. I can't do anything! Not even check the time. (Yes, my phone IS my watch) Well then. Life has somewhat shutdown all because of one small little piece of plastic and metal that fits into the palm of your hand.

Technology. It's so fused into our lives so much so that when something dies, our physical life dies with it. It's ridiculous! Your phone dies and essentially your social life dies along with it. Your laptop dies together with all your work and files. Your computer dies and so does your work, your games, your stress relief. You can't check Facebook, you can't twitter.. and omg you can't blog. Essentially, blogging or posting items online IS work. Strangely enough, we can't bring ourselves to write a 5000 word essay or write a short paper once a week, but we sure as hell can blog long, poetic entries almost every day.

We need to question the neediness of ourselves on technology. MRT rides without my iPod has become utter torture. Off-days without the computer is hell on earth. What next??? Next thing you know we refuse to leave our house because our automated toenail cleaner broke down.

Today's Song: Pretty, Young Thing (PYT) - Michael Jackson

MRT Watch: Old people have this effect on the MRT: The moment they step in, anyone, even big strong men sitting in the Reserved seats magically fall asleep, instantly! Must be some neuro-toxin pheromone going around.

Confucius says: Wise man knows that, "The Als", Alson Tan, is the answer to all your problems.. for the right price. =P

In totally unrelated news: Someone told me recently that my writing style is like reading erotic poetry. No wonder all my secret admirer love letters were an epic failure every single time...

posted by The Als @ 1:06 am 0 comments

Friday, July 10, 2009

One big scare

I woke up to the sound of the repeated "Ooooh Ooooh!-ing" of my mobile phone ringtone. Dragged my limp carcass to flip the phone open to see what damn time of the early morning it was. Well... it felt like it was early in the morning! I flipped open the phone only to find that the clock mocking displaying 2.26pm.. Dammit I felt like hell. AND I haven't been drinking. Nose running like tap I did a zombie-shuffle, a la the late MJ's Thriller video, to the toilet to look at myself in the mirror.

Ah crap. Speaking of the Thriller video, yeah. I looked like one of them zombies. My eyes were pretty glazed over as I stumbled from one position to the next. Well, with a minute of utter silence as I lay back down on my bed, the thought hit me: "Oh fuck. Please don't tell me I caught THAT flu."

That was nearly 12 hours ago. I'm not coughing so that's a good sign.. It's just a cold and I hope I'm not down with something big here. Well, one thing I can use that, IF (choy x1000000) I have it (choy x another 492347), is to go find those people I hate and spread some "love" to them bitches. Eat bio hazard mucus!

But seriously, if I am quarantined (choy x 34895734985) I've already thought of a survival list of things I can do in those 7 days, to keep myself from bashing my head into the wall repeatedly due to extreme boredom:

- Learn how to do a full backflip. Either I'll keep bashing my head on the ground or else I'd still be bashing my head on the wall.

- Memorize the entire bible.

- Study my Chinese. (Wow. I can't believe I thought of that.)

- Watch all the trilogy movies: The Matrix Trilogy, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Terminator Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy(I, II, III), Original Star Wars Trilogy (IV, V, VI), The Transporter Trilogy, Ice Age Trilogy, Resident Evil Trilogy, Austin Powers Trilogy, Blade Trilogy, The Bourne Identity Trilogy, Jurassic Park Trilogy, Underworld Trilogy, Spiderman Trilogy, Scream Trilogy, Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy, Ocean's Eleven Trilogy, The Mummy Trilogy, Stewart Little Trilogy and the Mission Impossible Trilogy. (I'd be brain dead by then!)

- Learn dance moves for ALL the Mambo songs.

- Learn to do the Michael Jackson spin and moonwalk.

- Learn to write with my feet.

- Learn how to unhook a bra with one hand.

- Learn how the sacred, secret Japanese Assassin's art of throwing a toothpick through the skull.

- Learn 20 card tricks.

- Set the world record for longest Hokey-Pokey dance.

- Write a best selling novel.

- Attempt escape from quarantine centre a la PrisonBreak.

You never know.. maybe with that escape attempt, they'll throw me into prison! Then I'd have a real shitty 6 month "quarantine".

Today's Song: Everybody have fun tonight - Wang Chung

MRT Watch: Didn't ride the MRT today. All you lucky inconsiderate bastards dodged one today.

Confucious says: Man who can put fist in mouth is one fucking bored idiot with a big mouth.

In totally unrelated news: My hair gets cut later. Halleujah!
I don't think I have H1N1. Halleujah!
Jesus can change your class bidding and do miracles. Halleujah!

posted by The Als @ 12:42 am 3 comments

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Jump on the bandwagon!

I guess when you acheive some amount of fame and fortune (I'm not saying I have), there will always be a bunch of freeloaders who try to hop on the train and get a free ride.

It's one thing totally to idolise someone, and it's another thing to copy what that other person does or use his/her face as some personal marketing tool. I find it incresingly disrespectful actually. Obviously these people don't really have much up there that's why they have to hop on to other people's freight train so they can get somewhere in their own personal pathetic lives.

I feel compelled to write after seeing an ad that says "Michael Jackson's IQ is 116. Are you smarter?" complete with MJ's (God bless his soul) photo in the background. Ah well, it's about time we realised that the world is amazing boom-deeana... and full of idiots too. It's all part of life!

Today's Song: Smooth Criminal - Michael Jackson (RIP)

MRT Watch: If only men could show more initiative to give up seats, rather than have women give up theirs.

In totally unrelated news: Apparently 'celeb' blogger Wendy Cheng now knows the horrors of hair bleaching. She feels my pain! I'm not alone anymore!

posted by The Als @ 9:56 am 0 comments

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