A wonder, no wonder: Prostitution at its best.

A wonder, no wonder

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Prostitution at its best.

Today's bunch of "sweet nothings" and "abalones of wisdom" by yours truly:
(Hold on to them! Teach your kids! Alsonism is the way of the enlightened!)

- If you're satisfied with life, you don't need to satisfy yourself. (Yes, I meant it in the other meaning)

- A prostitute for money and/or a prostitute for gifts and/or a prostitute for attention, still IS, at the end of it all, a prostitute.

- "Money talks". If money could talk, wouldn't it be really scary if you whip out 10 bucks and Yusoff Ishak started chatting with you as you were paying for a burger?

- Confucious says: "Man who put nose into places it doesn't belong, always ends up in jail for sexual assault."

- Singaporeans have paradox: They queue for free things, they queue for good food, they queue to pay for things, they queue to withdraw money. BUT THEY FUCKING CAN'T QUEUE UP TO LET PEOPLE OFF THE FUCKING MRT.

- Why do hokkien curses always target the mother? Whatever happened to the equality between sexes? We need more father-orientated curses. Unify the family unit. Don't leave the father out of your abuse!

- Making "a bee line" for something doesn't involve walking straight toward it. If anyone made "a bee line" for something, they'll effing walk all over the place in circles!! Hasn't anyone seen how bees move??

- A bull in a china shop... HELLO!? THERE ARE NO BULLS IN CHINA!!

- Ever wondered why they still call it the "BOYfriend" and "GIRLfriend"? Well, it wouldn't sound as sexy or cute as "MANfriend" or "WOMANfriend" wouldn't it?

- Contrary to popular belief, Issac Newton wasn't "getting inspiration" under a tree. He was supposed to do work, but he chao keng, eat snake. This gave birth to the first indept Singaporean NSF.

- Men deserve sexual equality too. So as from now on, the following terms will be changed to portray a more "politically correct" standpoint:

Womenstral Cramps
Womenopause
PWS - Pre Womenstral Syndrome
Womental Breakdowns, for cases regarding female patients.
Womandrin, because it's a mother tongue.
Womango, the brand of clothing, because it caters to women, not men.
Womanicure, because mostly only women do it.

However, several terms will remain unchanged:
Manipulate, because it's always the women who psyco the men to do things.
Man-power, because construction workers are mostly men.
(Instruction) Manual, because unlike men, women are impossible to read and dicipher.
Manure, due to popular demand by women all over the world, who refuse to change this.

Teach this to your kids and they will grow up strong and healthy!

Today's Song: Never gonna give you up - Rick Astley

MRT Watch: People STILL don't know how to let people out so they can go in.

In totally unrelated news: Two new inventions are in the pipeline to rival the Push-up Bra and the Underwire bra: The push-up and underwire briefs for men. More crotch clevage, oops, i mean, clevagé

posted by The Als @ 2:00 am

2 Comments:

At 5:49 pm, Ying said…

WTF Alson.

All the bad things still give us. What women manipulate men?!

Go see my blog. I have an MTV dedicated to you there. I think you are as sessy as the male lead.

LOLOL!
At 2:38 am, The Als said…

Eh, me, me. I can, I can. I'm totally the male lead. Problem is, the guy doesn't look male nor female. Very scary!